The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Who died my cat blue again?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
