There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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