I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
