and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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