Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have tasted many bathrooms
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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