i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
