i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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