You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
