remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
