IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
