After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
