she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
