the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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