If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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