If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
