can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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