she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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