ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
