I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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