And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
