Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
