You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
