drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
