I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
