btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
