Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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