I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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