A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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