you would pick up someone in the library
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
