The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
