did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
