i just wanna soil my oats bro
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
