she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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