You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
