She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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