Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
be right there i have to get my cape
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
