is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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