The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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