My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
