I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
