i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
