I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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