Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I would fuck him just for his dog
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