She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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