Got a toothbrush?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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