I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
