he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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