I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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