Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
