apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
